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OLDIES CLIP ART

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.Some of these pics are from www.uselessgraphics.com  but they are in the public domain, so if you wish to copy any, just right click and press save as.

Abraham Lincoln:

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
In memory of Ann Gibson

Ann wrote this shortly before she died recently.

She was a great worker for fas kids.

 

Life is not a journey to the grave
 with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty
 and well preserved body,
 but rather to skid in on your backside thoroughly used up,
 totally worn out and proclaiming loudy:
 "Wow, what a ride!"
.

 

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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Getting older:

lf for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ......... I will. .

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.  

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.   How can your heart not break when you lose a loved  one , or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and   sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.  So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver  

As you get  older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.  I don't question myself anymore.  I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So,  I like being old. It has set me free.    I like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever,   but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.  And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE  HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN  YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!   

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What Is Success ?

  • At age 4 .success is .not peeing  in your pants 

  • At age 12.success is ..having friends.

  • At age 16.success is  ..having a Driver's License 

  • At age 20.success is .having sex

  • At age 35.success is.having money.

  • At age 50.success is.having money.

  • At age 60......success is.............having sex.

  • At age 70......success is.............having a Driver's License.

  • At age 75......success  is............having friends.

  • At age 80......success is.............not peeing in your pants.

  What A Difference A Few Years Make

 
.SOME NAUGHTY OLDIE JOKES.

.Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?"
She pulled it out and stared at it.

Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."




When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."


Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."


An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.


Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth ,000 . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."


A funeral service was being held for a woman who had just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers were carrying the casket out when they accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket. They heard a faint moan and so they opened the casket to find that the woman is
actually not dead at all! She lived for ten more years, and then died. Once again, a ceremony was held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers were again carrying out the casket. As they carried the casket towards the door, the husband cried out: "Watch that wall!"



When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

"I said again, "Well, why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


kiwijoce@hotmail.com